"One should see the world, and see himself as a scale with an equal balance of good and evil. When he does one good deed the scale is tipped to the good - he and the world is saved. When he does one evil deed the scale is tipped to the bad - he and the world is destroyed."
~ Maimonides
I came across this quote last night and it resonated deeply. I tend to live life from a place of positivity, optimism, hope. However, I am keenly aware that not everyone does.
Positive people live in a positive world whereas negative people live in a negative one. Same world. It is all about perspective. If we truly believed that every action can make an impact, how might it change us, our approach, our perspective?
I'm a believer that our intentions drive our actions... if we each live, intentionally, with positivity and compassion, we can collectively tip the scale to the good.
Monday, April 9, 2018
Thursday, April 5, 2018
The Assumption
I was recently asked to answer the question "What do people assume about you that isn't really true?". It was a thought provoking question, requiring me to see myself through others' eyes and reconcile some truths about who I am.
Newsflash: I'm an introvert.
Many people find this absolutely shocking given that I spend my days connecting with students, holding space for others, being their cheerleader, sounding board, confidante and creating community... but the reality is that when that part of my day is over, I turn deeply inward. I absolutely love what I do for a living, but it's really a curious thing, the rim of this two-sided coin on which I dwell.
If there is such a thing as an extroverted introvert, perhaps that is the space in which I reside. After intense social situations... and by intense I pretty much mean "any"... I have to decompress quietly in my own space. While I can make friends pretty easily because I talk to everyone, I have great difficulty maintaining these relationships, a fact that I'm facing and with which I am struggling. I realize that I am the common denominator in all of these friendships.
Thus, I believe that one of the biggest false assumptions people make about me is that I have a circle of close friends that radiates out exponentially. I simply don't... in fact, I find myself spending many weekends and holidays alone and often hear "I assumed you had plans or I would have invited you!" when folks ask "What did you do for Christmas/Easter/last Saturday night?". I know a lot of people, I interact with a lot of people, but my true social circle is decidedly small, consisting of a few women and men for whom my gratitude overflows. I can hold my own in any conversation, but I abhor small talk. I seek depth and connection and struggle with surface level chit chat. I don't mind being alone, and I don't usually feel lonely... that whole introvert thing is a great buffer, and without alone time, I suffer... but I am keenly aware of the importance of social integration and connection to overall health, happiness and well being.
So there it is. The assumption and my truth.
Newsflash: I'm an introvert.
Many people find this absolutely shocking given that I spend my days connecting with students, holding space for others, being their cheerleader, sounding board, confidante and creating community... but the reality is that when that part of my day is over, I turn deeply inward. I absolutely love what I do for a living, but it's really a curious thing, the rim of this two-sided coin on which I dwell.
If there is such a thing as an extroverted introvert, perhaps that is the space in which I reside. After intense social situations... and by intense I pretty much mean "any"... I have to decompress quietly in my own space. While I can make friends pretty easily because I talk to everyone, I have great difficulty maintaining these relationships, a fact that I'm facing and with which I am struggling. I realize that I am the common denominator in all of these friendships.
Thus, I believe that one of the biggest false assumptions people make about me is that I have a circle of close friends that radiates out exponentially. I simply don't... in fact, I find myself spending many weekends and holidays alone and often hear "I assumed you had plans or I would have invited you!" when folks ask "What did you do for Christmas/Easter/last Saturday night?". I know a lot of people, I interact with a lot of people, but my true social circle is decidedly small, consisting of a few women and men for whom my gratitude overflows. I can hold my own in any conversation, but I abhor small talk. I seek depth and connection and struggle with surface level chit chat. I don't mind being alone, and I don't usually feel lonely... that whole introvert thing is a great buffer, and without alone time, I suffer... but I am keenly aware of the importance of social integration and connection to overall health, happiness and well being.
So there it is. The assumption and my truth.
Monday, April 2, 2018
Parrots
I went to a yin class yesterday. It was a lovely class taught by a lovely teacher who, truth be told, I'd previously avoided for no reason other than the fact that her boyfriend is a yoga teacher whose style really isn't my cup of tea. I realize that this makes absolutely no sense, however, it was my princessy prerogative, so that's that. Anywhoosle, there came a point in said lovely class where the teacher told us "under no circumstance should you turn your head while in this pose because you will damage your neck."
In typical rebel fashion, I proceeded to turn my head in not one, but BOTH directions. Repeatedly. Because that is how I roll in yoga. I am literally the worst.student.ever.
But here's the thing. Not only did I not hurt my neck, it felt GOOD to move my head a few times to release the yogi fireworks, the snaps, crackles and pops, before settling in. However, in wanting to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt, I did ask her after class to please explain to me why I should not move my head in that particular pose. OK, I confess, I already knew that there was not an actual scientific reason, but it fascinates me when teachers simply repeat what they have been told without ever considering its veracity. After some discussion, her answer could easily be summed up with "I am not sure" and "because my teacher said so."
Now I am aware that there are things my teacher says that I say, too. However, they don't tend to be made up things about anatomy and poses and what we are and are not capable of doing because, of course, the truth is, each one of us is different. What my body can do, yours may or may not be able to do, and vice versa... and that's what's so ridiculously cool about all of this stuff.
There are many "parrot" things teachers say... like "for the love of god, make sure your knees don't go past your toes!!!". Really? OK, next time you walk down the stairs, make sure your knees don't go out over your toes because obviously knees over toes = very serious injury (#goodluckwiththat). And as long as you're at it, take a moment to peek into a Zumba class and watch what's going on in there... it's a miracle they don't have paramedics on stand by for all those knee-over-toe offenders. Also, I once checked with my orthopedic surgeon and she told me she has not one time EVER done a knee repair from a tree pose gone bad... so we're probably safe in that one, too.
Tongue in cheek sass aside, it isn't just yoga teachers who parrot things they have heard without ever stopping to consider its accuracy. With all of human knowledge in the palms of our hands these days, we often believe anything and everything that pops up first in our google searches.
I'd like to think we are smarter than this. It is our responsibility to be better informed, to disseminate truthful information, to fact check, and to fully understand the ideas we share... whether it's about our bodies, our minds, our political views, our relationships, simply parroting something we hear as though it is an absolute is a dangerous proposition... because those who trust us will hang on our words, and repeat them time and again... and those who trust them will follow suit. And so on, and so on, and so on.
I'm all for passionate discourse, teaching, debating, sharing... but simply parroting what we've heard is part of the problem... let's be part of the solution.
In typical rebel fashion, I proceeded to turn my head in not one, but BOTH directions. Repeatedly. Because that is how I roll in yoga. I am literally the worst.student.ever.
But here's the thing. Not only did I not hurt my neck, it felt GOOD to move my head a few times to release the yogi fireworks, the snaps, crackles and pops, before settling in. However, in wanting to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt, I did ask her after class to please explain to me why I should not move my head in that particular pose. OK, I confess, I already knew that there was not an actual scientific reason, but it fascinates me when teachers simply repeat what they have been told without ever considering its veracity. After some discussion, her answer could easily be summed up with "I am not sure" and "because my teacher said so."
Now I am aware that there are things my teacher says that I say, too. However, they don't tend to be made up things about anatomy and poses and what we are and are not capable of doing because, of course, the truth is, each one of us is different. What my body can do, yours may or may not be able to do, and vice versa... and that's what's so ridiculously cool about all of this stuff.
There are many "parrot" things teachers say... like "for the love of god, make sure your knees don't go past your toes!!!". Really? OK, next time you walk down the stairs, make sure your knees don't go out over your toes because obviously knees over toes = very serious injury (#goodluckwiththat). And as long as you're at it, take a moment to peek into a Zumba class and watch what's going on in there... it's a miracle they don't have paramedics on stand by for all those knee-over-toe offenders. Also, I once checked with my orthopedic surgeon and she told me she has not one time EVER done a knee repair from a tree pose gone bad... so we're probably safe in that one, too.
Tongue in cheek sass aside, it isn't just yoga teachers who parrot things they have heard without ever stopping to consider its accuracy. With all of human knowledge in the palms of our hands these days, we often believe anything and everything that pops up first in our google searches.
I'd like to think we are smarter than this. It is our responsibility to be better informed, to disseminate truthful information, to fact check, and to fully understand the ideas we share... whether it's about our bodies, our minds, our political views, our relationships, simply parroting something we hear as though it is an absolute is a dangerous proposition... because those who trust us will hang on our words, and repeat them time and again... and those who trust them will follow suit. And so on, and so on, and so on.
I'm all for passionate discourse, teaching, debating, sharing... but simply parroting what we've heard is part of the problem... let's be part of the solution.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Begin Again
Alright... so it's been a minute since I last threw a hissy fit around these parts. However, as I sit here, in the home I've "grown up" in over the course of the last 7 years, surrounded by boxes just waiting to be filled, I'm struck by the idea that the greatest mantra of all time is, indeed, Begin Again. So here I am, beginning again.
I'll never forget the moment that the movers left me here on that crisp November afternoon. I stood alone in the sun room, in all its bright, beautiful glory, and I felt a giant weight lifting off of my shoulders. I was finally free to be me... no more having to hide in the shadows of the pain and drama others created and cast upon me, no more covering for someone who didn't deserve to be protected, no more uncovering the painful lies I stumbled upon, one by one, and no more angst over how or where or why or what would be. Standing there, I fully understood, on every possible level, how liberation felt. It was a moment and an opportunity in which I could truly let go of all that hadn't served me for so long, and begin again. There will always be a special, appreciative place in my heart for the people who supported me through that and made it possible for me to land on my feet so I could face the unknown with courage, strength, grace and dignity and a strong sense of purpose. I recognize that it is in our darkest moments when we so very clearly see who our true friends are.
And then, the full spectrum of life happened, as it does to us all. It just happens. And it happens again. And again and again. At times, as it does to us all, life brought me to my knees... again. And again and again. Fortunately, I have a keen understanding that there is a curriculum I must learn, and that the lessons will keep coming until I have done so. I've always fancied myself a lifelong learner, so I suppose the "life lesson learning" should not be any different than the rest of of my education. Don't get me wrong... the number of amazing, inspiring and joyful moments far outweighs the difficult ones, and I realize that there are lessons in it all and am truly grateful for the highs, the lows and everything in between.
For it is because of the lessons that I experienced true, unconditional love for the first time in my entire life... but, more importantly, I learned not only how to love from the edges and depths of my soul, but also how to receive love. I cultivated mindfulness and worked on equanimity, and I understood with every fiber of my being the art of forgiveness and that it was I who needed to reap its benefits, not the people who received the forgiveness from me. I found my passion and fully recognized that my dharma was shining through in a new form, taking on a new shape, guiding me to a new life, and, even in the midst of a thousand sideways glances, I set out on a mission to make a career out of that which I love, knowing that I had no choice but to find a way or make one or else witness the slow death of my true self.
And throughout it all, the theme, the mantra, the overarching message has been, continues to be... Begin Again.
Each challenge, each stumble, each misstep, each heartbreak, each gut punching, knee buckling, back breaking moment is a test of resilience, of an ability to pick myself up, dust myself off, stand taller, prouder and, of course, Begin Again. After all, grit is, at its core, the stubborn refusal to quit, and perhaps it is the grittiest amongst us who learn to live authentically, peacefully, and fully, knowing that there are no guarantees, and that throughout our lives the curriculum presented to us will require us to begin again, many times over.
And so it seems only fitting, that on this Easter morning, on a day and in a season of symbolic and ritualistic new beginnings, at a time in which I've made the decision to downsize my car, my house, and, ultimately, my life, that I sip coffee from a mug I once wrote about in this very space as I enjoy the quiet solitude of the early hours of a new day, recognize that this morning's sunrise does not define itself by last night's sunset, and contemplate the opportunity that lies in front of me... the opportunity, of course, to Begin Again.
I'll never forget the moment that the movers left me here on that crisp November afternoon. I stood alone in the sun room, in all its bright, beautiful glory, and I felt a giant weight lifting off of my shoulders. I was finally free to be me... no more having to hide in the shadows of the pain and drama others created and cast upon me, no more covering for someone who didn't deserve to be protected, no more uncovering the painful lies I stumbled upon, one by one, and no more angst over how or where or why or what would be. Standing there, I fully understood, on every possible level, how liberation felt. It was a moment and an opportunity in which I could truly let go of all that hadn't served me for so long, and begin again. There will always be a special, appreciative place in my heart for the people who supported me through that and made it possible for me to land on my feet so I could face the unknown with courage, strength, grace and dignity and a strong sense of purpose. I recognize that it is in our darkest moments when we so very clearly see who our true friends are.
And then, the full spectrum of life happened, as it does to us all. It just happens. And it happens again. And again and again. At times, as it does to us all, life brought me to my knees... again. And again and again. Fortunately, I have a keen understanding that there is a curriculum I must learn, and that the lessons will keep coming until I have done so. I've always fancied myself a lifelong learner, so I suppose the "life lesson learning" should not be any different than the rest of of my education. Don't get me wrong... the number of amazing, inspiring and joyful moments far outweighs the difficult ones, and I realize that there are lessons in it all and am truly grateful for the highs, the lows and everything in between.
For it is because of the lessons that I experienced true, unconditional love for the first time in my entire life... but, more importantly, I learned not only how to love from the edges and depths of my soul, but also how to receive love. I cultivated mindfulness and worked on equanimity, and I understood with every fiber of my being the art of forgiveness and that it was I who needed to reap its benefits, not the people who received the forgiveness from me. I found my passion and fully recognized that my dharma was shining through in a new form, taking on a new shape, guiding me to a new life, and, even in the midst of a thousand sideways glances, I set out on a mission to make a career out of that which I love, knowing that I had no choice but to find a way or make one or else witness the slow death of my true self.
And throughout it all, the theme, the mantra, the overarching message has been, continues to be... Begin Again.
Each challenge, each stumble, each misstep, each heartbreak, each gut punching, knee buckling, back breaking moment is a test of resilience, of an ability to pick myself up, dust myself off, stand taller, prouder and, of course, Begin Again. After all, grit is, at its core, the stubborn refusal to quit, and perhaps it is the grittiest amongst us who learn to live authentically, peacefully, and fully, knowing that there are no guarantees, and that throughout our lives the curriculum presented to us will require us to begin again, many times over.
And so it seems only fitting, that on this Easter morning, on a day and in a season of symbolic and ritualistic new beginnings, at a time in which I've made the decision to downsize my car, my house, and, ultimately, my life, that I sip coffee from a mug I once wrote about in this very space as I enjoy the quiet solitude of the early hours of a new day, recognize that this morning's sunrise does not define itself by last night's sunset, and contemplate the opportunity that lies in front of me... the opportunity, of course, to Begin Again.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Mother's Day
I've not left my kingdom, I'm still around... I'm just busy with life's ups and downs which, quite frankly, are far more pronounced when one is a single mom of three trying to make her way through the world, than they were in my more carefree married days.
Back then, I used to wonder how single moms did it. I always had a great deal of respect for them. I relied heavily on Prince Charming for a variety of things related to us, our future and to the kids, and simply couldn't imagine my life without him in it.
Silly princess.
What I believed then were the challenges, stresses, fears of single mothers did not even come close to the reality of that which exists. That is not to say that I feel regretful or unhappy; quite the contrary, actually. I know the decision was the right one for all involved, and even though I often wake with more questions than answers, finding the means and methods to forge ahead on my own has provided me with a greater sense of self and purpose than I might ever have had otherwise. I find myself more fiercely protective than ever not only of my children but of my heart, hopes, dreams and it makes me commit even more to the mantra with which I have lived my life since I was 8 years old: I will find a way or make one.
And so I say Happy Mother's Day to all of the mommies out there. It's the hardest job we'll ever love. I'll add a special thought for single mothers: I hope you are lifted up and celebrated not only by your loved ones this weekend, but also by you. For you know, better than most, that you have lifted yourself up time and time again, but perhaps, in the process, forgot to celebrate the amazing woman that you are. You are.
Back then, I used to wonder how single moms did it. I always had a great deal of respect for them. I relied heavily on Prince Charming for a variety of things related to us, our future and to the kids, and simply couldn't imagine my life without him in it.
Silly princess.
What I believed then were the challenges, stresses, fears of single mothers did not even come close to the reality of that which exists. That is not to say that I feel regretful or unhappy; quite the contrary, actually. I know the decision was the right one for all involved, and even though I often wake with more questions than answers, finding the means and methods to forge ahead on my own has provided me with a greater sense of self and purpose than I might ever have had otherwise. I find myself more fiercely protective than ever not only of my children but of my heart, hopes, dreams and it makes me commit even more to the mantra with which I have lived my life since I was 8 years old: I will find a way or make one.
And so I say Happy Mother's Day to all of the mommies out there. It's the hardest job we'll ever love. I'll add a special thought for single mothers: I hope you are lifted up and celebrated not only by your loved ones this weekend, but also by you. For you know, better than most, that you have lifted yourself up time and time again, but perhaps, in the process, forgot to celebrate the amazing woman that you are. You are.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Cultivating Metta
Metta means loving kindness towards all beings. How different the world might be if cultivating metta was a priority for us all.
May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you be peaceful and at ease.
And may you stay tuned to Hissy Fits, and, perhaps, this blog, too.
May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you be peaceful and at ease.
And may you stay tuned to Hissy Fits, and, perhaps, this blog, too.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Integrity
"Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters."
~ Albert Einstein
Who are you when no one is watching?
If you will lie about the small things, you will lie about the big ones. If you will take credit for something small that you did not do, you will credit yourself on a larger scale, knowing, deep down, it wasn't your original work or that those were stolen words or that you did not, in fact, complete the task.
How you do anything is how you do everything. If your integrity is lacking in small matters, how do you navigate through critical moments that require you to call upon your inner strength and know, clearly, who you are at your core?
What is the reason you build yourself up to others when you know it isn't authentic, when you know you are spinning a web of deceit, painting a pretty picture that, while you present it as realism is, in fact, just abstract pop art?
How often must you consult your inner-truth barometer... and how often does it scream at you to be set free from the prison you have created for yourself, locking yourself into the person you claim to be yet never have been nor will be.
What makes it so hard to love yourself enough to feel comfortable and confident just being you? What might life be like if you were wide open, honest, present, accountable, grateful and humble?
Imagine how good it might be to live a simple life of integrity.
~ Albert Einstein
Who are you when no one is watching?
If you will lie about the small things, you will lie about the big ones. If you will take credit for something small that you did not do, you will credit yourself on a larger scale, knowing, deep down, it wasn't your original work or that those were stolen words or that you did not, in fact, complete the task.
How you do anything is how you do everything. If your integrity is lacking in small matters, how do you navigate through critical moments that require you to call upon your inner strength and know, clearly, who you are at your core?
What is the reason you build yourself up to others when you know it isn't authentic, when you know you are spinning a web of deceit, painting a pretty picture that, while you present it as realism is, in fact, just abstract pop art?
How often must you consult your inner-truth barometer... and how often does it scream at you to be set free from the prison you have created for yourself, locking yourself into the person you claim to be yet never have been nor will be.
What makes it so hard to love yourself enough to feel comfortable and confident just being you? What might life be like if you were wide open, honest, present, accountable, grateful and humble?
Imagine how good it might be to live a simple life of integrity.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Trust
We all know that trust is the foundation of any relationship. Without it, that foundation cracks, and whatever's been built upon it is at risk of crumbling. Trust can take years and years to build, yet can be destroyed in a matter of seconds, with the utterance of just a few words, or the painful moment when one discovers an egregious act has been committed.
The breaking of trust is the squashing of spirits and the killing of dreams. It is cruel in that it is not only situationally hurtful, but also in its ripple effect, seeping into the psyche of those who have been hurt, creating obstacles for them as they try to trust again. It causes constant questioning and results in an unsettledness that is difficult to explain to anyone who has not experienced it.
My life's lessons have taught me that people who are ego-driven are not trustworthy. They are so caught up in their "ME!"-ness that they refuse to consider how their actions affect the people around them. They are condescending and controlling in their communication, with an uncanny ability to make even the brainiest of braniacs feel foolish. They say whatever they think people want to hear, regardless of its veracity; they do what needs doing in order to stroke their own egos, even when doing so costs them everything and everyone about whom they care. They are incapable of true love because true love is selfless and unconditional, neither of which the ego understands.
I believe that these people struggle to find joy and contentment. They are looking to fill the voids in their hearts with things that truly don't matter. They can't possibly trust other people fully because they recognize that they, themselves, can't be trusted. Our natural inclination is to project who we are at our cores onto others, to look at life through the unique lens we each have created, a lens that mirrors ourselves, based on our thoughts, feelings and experiences. If we are pure and positive and treat others with the utmost love and respect, we assume others operate in much the same way. If we are dark and self-serving, it is hard to imagine that others do not follow suit.
Can trust ever be rebuilt? The logical side of me would like to believe that it can... yet I am not sure how one goes about healing deep wounds, inflicted by people in whom we believed, who we thought were least likely to ever cause us crippling pain. Can people so driven by ego that they forget there are living, breathing, feeling human beings on the other ends of their selfish actions change? The logical side of me would like to believe that they can... yet I am not sure that these types of people actually have the courage and strength to do so. It is my belief that it is the coward who hides behind his/her ego, and to truly evolve, we must face our fears, as well as our inner-demons, and find ways to fill with gratitude the voids in our hearts, and to recognize and appreciate that what we have within us is, indeed, enough.
I am a believer in value added relationships, and I am well aware that we only continue to stay in relationships that somehow serve us. Even under the most challenging of circumstances, when trust is gone and all that remains is a shred of hope, if we stay, it is because the relationship somehow serves us. Otherwise, we would recognize and act upon the need to simply walk away.
The strength it takes to wake up each morning with a resolve to trust again is unimaginable, on some levels. And yet, the human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it, and so we continue to do what needs doing in order to move forward, and sooner or later, we learn to trust again.
The breaking of trust is the squashing of spirits and the killing of dreams. It is cruel in that it is not only situationally hurtful, but also in its ripple effect, seeping into the psyche of those who have been hurt, creating obstacles for them as they try to trust again. It causes constant questioning and results in an unsettledness that is difficult to explain to anyone who has not experienced it.
My life's lessons have taught me that people who are ego-driven are not trustworthy. They are so caught up in their "ME!"-ness that they refuse to consider how their actions affect the people around them. They are condescending and controlling in their communication, with an uncanny ability to make even the brainiest of braniacs feel foolish. They say whatever they think people want to hear, regardless of its veracity; they do what needs doing in order to stroke their own egos, even when doing so costs them everything and everyone about whom they care. They are incapable of true love because true love is selfless and unconditional, neither of which the ego understands.
I believe that these people struggle to find joy and contentment. They are looking to fill the voids in their hearts with things that truly don't matter. They can't possibly trust other people fully because they recognize that they, themselves, can't be trusted. Our natural inclination is to project who we are at our cores onto others, to look at life through the unique lens we each have created, a lens that mirrors ourselves, based on our thoughts, feelings and experiences. If we are pure and positive and treat others with the utmost love and respect, we assume others operate in much the same way. If we are dark and self-serving, it is hard to imagine that others do not follow suit.
Can trust ever be rebuilt? The logical side of me would like to believe that it can... yet I am not sure how one goes about healing deep wounds, inflicted by people in whom we believed, who we thought were least likely to ever cause us crippling pain. Can people so driven by ego that they forget there are living, breathing, feeling human beings on the other ends of their selfish actions change? The logical side of me would like to believe that they can... yet I am not sure that these types of people actually have the courage and strength to do so. It is my belief that it is the coward who hides behind his/her ego, and to truly evolve, we must face our fears, as well as our inner-demons, and find ways to fill with gratitude the voids in our hearts, and to recognize and appreciate that what we have within us is, indeed, enough.
I am a believer in value added relationships, and I am well aware that we only continue to stay in relationships that somehow serve us. Even under the most challenging of circumstances, when trust is gone and all that remains is a shred of hope, if we stay, it is because the relationship somehow serves us. Otherwise, we would recognize and act upon the need to simply walk away.
The strength it takes to wake up each morning with a resolve to trust again is unimaginable, on some levels. And yet, the human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it, and so we continue to do what needs doing in order to move forward, and sooner or later, we learn to trust again.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Really Random Thoughts...
1. I just saw that rose gold and one piece bathing suits are in style. Hmmmm... I am glad I am not particularly concerned about being a fashionista because there's way too much with which to keep up. I prefer my sparkly things, you know, like tiaras, set in platinum, thankyouverymuch. Additionally, I am contractually obligated to wear a bikini while doing a very important job on the bows of a variety of boats, so these developments could prove problematic.
2. I look for signs of strength in so many areas of my life, and part of being strong includes a willingness to take care of me. One of the ways I like to show others that I care about them is through cooking. Yet, when I find myself alone, I subsist, primarily, on oatmeal, nut thins and water. I need to do a better job of taking care of me in this regard.
3. I miss skating. A lot. I still have my last pair of competitive skates; they sit, collecting dust, in my basement, a well worn pair of Riedell Gold Stars, purchased 30 years ago or so. They no longer fit me the way they once did...where once they felt heavenly, they now feel tight and foreign on my feet, and the Ace blades have been sharpened so often that they are practically non-existent. I can't even imagine how different the top of the line skates today feel, though I am sure I would be amazed.
The rink is my happy place. It is the place to which I long to return when I have big thoughts through which to work, and yet the ice has been sorely lacking in my life for the last several years, years that provided, the arguably biggest thoughts to think.
4. AJ, the five month old lab-mix pound puppy, is terrified of Bailey The Wonder Cat. Bailey The Wonder Cat is acutely aware of the power he holds over AJ, and was just seen chasing the whimpering, tail tucked pup (who, incidentally, is clearly much bigger than the cat) down the hall. It's kind of how I envision people running away from me when I am in the midst of a particularly passionate hissy fit. Bailey is a badass.
5. Someone recently asked me who the caretaker of my emotions is... it was a question of love stemming from an observation that I spend a great deal of time in the care and keeping of the important people around me. I immediately responded that I am responsible for my own emotions, I take care of me. Upon further reflection, however, I have decided that it would be nice, in a perfect world, to have a prince charming who viewed this task as a shared responsibility.
2. I look for signs of strength in so many areas of my life, and part of being strong includes a willingness to take care of me. One of the ways I like to show others that I care about them is through cooking. Yet, when I find myself alone, I subsist, primarily, on oatmeal, nut thins and water. I need to do a better job of taking care of me in this regard.
3. I miss skating. A lot. I still have my last pair of competitive skates; they sit, collecting dust, in my basement, a well worn pair of Riedell Gold Stars, purchased 30 years ago or so. They no longer fit me the way they once did...where once they felt heavenly, they now feel tight and foreign on my feet, and the Ace blades have been sharpened so often that they are practically non-existent. I can't even imagine how different the top of the line skates today feel, though I am sure I would be amazed.
The rink is my happy place. It is the place to which I long to return when I have big thoughts through which to work, and yet the ice has been sorely lacking in my life for the last several years, years that provided, the arguably biggest thoughts to think.
4. AJ, the five month old lab-mix pound puppy, is terrified of Bailey The Wonder Cat. Bailey The Wonder Cat is acutely aware of the power he holds over AJ, and was just seen chasing the whimpering, tail tucked pup (who, incidentally, is clearly much bigger than the cat) down the hall. It's kind of how I envision people running away from me when I am in the midst of a particularly passionate hissy fit. Bailey is a badass.
5. Someone recently asked me who the caretaker of my emotions is... it was a question of love stemming from an observation that I spend a great deal of time in the care and keeping of the important people around me. I immediately responded that I am responsible for my own emotions, I take care of me. Upon further reflection, however, I have decided that it would be nice, in a perfect world, to have a prince charming who viewed this task as a shared responsibility.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Change of Venue
For years I have blogged primarily in a space that I deemed safer than Hissy Fits: a small community with plenty'o'privacy and a familiarity with the incredible folks there that could make even the iciest of hearts, like mine, melt (just a little, of course).
Sure, I would pop over to Hissy Fits to develop deeper thoughts sparked by the silliness I wrote there, but it is there that the majority of my day to day musings has dwelled. Years of memories are preserved there, and I suspect it's probably time to begin a memory migration, of sorts.
Further, it feels as though it's time for some changes in my kingdom, including a new venue for my ridiculously random, daily-ish thoughts. The aforementioned spot has changed quite a bit and, frankly, I have, too, as we all do, through experiencing the lessons life presents.
And so it seems that Hissy Fits will become a busier place... until such time as yet another change in venue is in order.
Sure, I would pop over to Hissy Fits to develop deeper thoughts sparked by the silliness I wrote there, but it is there that the majority of my day to day musings has dwelled. Years of memories are preserved there, and I suspect it's probably time to begin a memory migration, of sorts.
Further, it feels as though it's time for some changes in my kingdom, including a new venue for my ridiculously random, daily-ish thoughts. The aforementioned spot has changed quite a bit and, frankly, I have, too, as we all do, through experiencing the lessons life presents.
And so it seems that Hissy Fits will become a busier place... until such time as yet another change in venue is in order.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
I Wonder...
I wonder how one justifies a lie of omission as more acceptable than one that is spoken aloud.
I wonder how one fib, told to try to soften a blow, is uttered and tolerated by anyone who understands and practices universal truth.
I wonder how one can fail to understand that any untruth that is presented and ultimately accepted, no matter how small or seemingly benign, turns into another untruth and then another... until eventually, words just roll off the tongue with little regard to their veracity because, by that point, the truth is simply so blurred one might not even recognize it any longer.
I wonder how one believes that hiding things or lacking transparency or failing to discuss thoughts and feelings rather than determining on one's own what someone else might think, believe or feel, protects and honors that other human being.
I wonder what makes me want to not trust my gut... because my gut is right on a regular basis.
I wonder how one fib, told to try to soften a blow, is uttered and tolerated by anyone who understands and practices universal truth.
I wonder how one can fail to understand that any untruth that is presented and ultimately accepted, no matter how small or seemingly benign, turns into another untruth and then another... until eventually, words just roll off the tongue with little regard to their veracity because, by that point, the truth is simply so blurred one might not even recognize it any longer.
I wonder how one believes that hiding things or lacking transparency or failing to discuss thoughts and feelings rather than determining on one's own what someone else might think, believe or feel, protects and honors that other human being.
I wonder what makes me want to not trust my gut... because my gut is right on a regular basis.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Living and Dying Examples
Today I'm feeling grateful that I had parents who could have afforded to buy me the moon, yet I secured a work permit and had an after school job at the age of 14, mostly paid for the things I wanted with my own money, and was handed nothing on a silver platter. My parents were my parents, not my BFFs, with very clearly defined expectations, rules and boundaries. I learned how to respect all people, regardless of their race, religion, sexual preference, political views, economic standing, relationship status, career choices or intelligence level. I learned that there are things in life we don't want to do but must, and therefore to slap a smile on my face and do what needs doing. I learned that who we are when no one is watching is who we truly are at our core. They taught me that if we wish to better our world, we should simply act, not spend time telling others of the great things we have done, for humility, in and of itself, makes the world a better place.
My father's death, far too soon, taught me that life is precious and short. It was an opportunity to reflect on what's truly important, which led me to the conclusion that to live with gratitude for what we have, not mourn that which we do not, is one of the keys to fulfillment. His death taught me that anger is a wasted emotion, being judgmental makes no one unhappy but oneself, and that taking out on other people that with which we struggle never makes us feel better; instead it generates guilt and, perhaps self-loathing. It reminded me to celebrate the unique gifts of each person whose lives we touch and who touch ours in return.
People often tell me I am "lucky" to have children who are considerate, respectful and compassionate. Typically, I would write "luck has nothing to do with it; raising nice kids is hard work"... and it surely is... but I realize now that I am lucky because I learned how to instill these qualities into my children through the living and dying examples of my own parents.
My father's death, far too soon, taught me that life is precious and short. It was an opportunity to reflect on what's truly important, which led me to the conclusion that to live with gratitude for what we have, not mourn that which we do not, is one of the keys to fulfillment. His death taught me that anger is a wasted emotion, being judgmental makes no one unhappy but oneself, and that taking out on other people that with which we struggle never makes us feel better; instead it generates guilt and, perhaps self-loathing. It reminded me to celebrate the unique gifts of each person whose lives we touch and who touch ours in return.
People often tell me I am "lucky" to have children who are considerate, respectful and compassionate. Typically, I would write "luck has nothing to do with it; raising nice kids is hard work"... and it surely is... but I realize now that I am lucky because I learned how to instill these qualities into my children through the living and dying examples of my own parents.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
It's Not Valentine's Day...
Yet I am reflecting upon love. Take that, Hallmark!
I stopped looking for a prince quite some time ago, vowing to be "awesome and unavailable" forever, swearing off that whole messy "relationship" thing. I loved with conviction while others loved with convenience and situational comfort, thus creating an emotional chasm which was exhausting and defeating. My attitude came from years of experiential learning that provided me with both formal and informal data on heartbreak and trustworthiness (specifically, a lack thereof).
I thought the curriculum I was supposed to learn was that I am the only person upon whom I can count, the only person who was truly committed to me and that it's better to be balanced as a single human being than to live within the confines of a relationship in which the power, passion, and all-in-edness sways sharply to one side or the other. It seemed, however, like a tough way to have to learn these things; it left me bruised and allowed me to build an almost impenetrable fortress around my heart.
Since then, though, I have learned how to live in the present. I've learned to live with my truth and the truth of others and accept nothing less of myself, while still showing compassion to and for those around me. I've learned to love from the edge of my soul and be open to incredible possibility, seeking out the good in others from the get go rather than requiring them to first prove that their presence in my life is value-added. It's a far better place in which to dwell.
I am incredibly grateful to the teachers I've had related to this subject matter; for they have taught me how to trust and allowed me the opportunity to be me, restoring my faith in the idea that people are inherently good and that there are, indeed, truly selfless people among us. They have reminded me of who I am at my core and reinforced my desire to never again compromise on the things I hold most sacred.
Today I realized that I was not wrong about my curriculum. I just needed some multi-modal teaching techniques in order to get it through my pea-sized brain and understand it from a more global perspective.
And so, with renewed effort, I shall be awesome and unavailable... yet incredibly content with myself in the present moment, open to new experiences and hopeful that my circle will continue to grow with people whose lights shine brightly with possibility.
I stopped looking for a prince quite some time ago, vowing to be "awesome and unavailable" forever, swearing off that whole messy "relationship" thing. I loved with conviction while others loved with convenience and situational comfort, thus creating an emotional chasm which was exhausting and defeating. My attitude came from years of experiential learning that provided me with both formal and informal data on heartbreak and trustworthiness (specifically, a lack thereof).
I thought the curriculum I was supposed to learn was that I am the only person upon whom I can count, the only person who was truly committed to me and that it's better to be balanced as a single human being than to live within the confines of a relationship in which the power, passion, and all-in-edness sways sharply to one side or the other. It seemed, however, like a tough way to have to learn these things; it left me bruised and allowed me to build an almost impenetrable fortress around my heart.
Since then, though, I have learned how to live in the present. I've learned to live with my truth and the truth of others and accept nothing less of myself, while still showing compassion to and for those around me. I've learned to love from the edge of my soul and be open to incredible possibility, seeking out the good in others from the get go rather than requiring them to first prove that their presence in my life is value-added. It's a far better place in which to dwell.
I am incredibly grateful to the teachers I've had related to this subject matter; for they have taught me how to trust and allowed me the opportunity to be me, restoring my faith in the idea that people are inherently good and that there are, indeed, truly selfless people among us. They have reminded me of who I am at my core and reinforced my desire to never again compromise on the things I hold most sacred.
Today I realized that I was not wrong about my curriculum. I just needed some multi-modal teaching techniques in order to get it through my pea-sized brain and understand it from a more global perspective.
And so, with renewed effort, I shall be awesome and unavailable... yet incredibly content with myself in the present moment, open to new experiences and hopeful that my circle will continue to grow with people whose lights shine brightly with possibility.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Why?
In my kingdom, I try very hard not to start a question with the word "why". Why, you ask?
Well, why questions tend to carry with them a certain amount of judgment. Often, it's subtle, but it's there. Even when our intentions are pure, asking a why question can put others on the defensive. If you try to eliminate why questions from your arsenal of phrases, you'll soon find that the responses you get are more thorough and less reactive.
That said, I stumbled across a why question today from someone who shares my view on why questions. The question was just a general "why?" with regard to the tragedy in Colorado.
Sometimes, all we really can do is wonder why... which is slightly different from asking a why question of someone else. Silently pondering why things are the way they are is important and helps shape the lens through which we view our worlds.
What happened in Colorado is a terrible, heartbreaking tragedy. There will never be an answer to the question "why?", at lest not one that is satisfactory or that makes sense. This, of course, makes "why?" not a great question, even just from an "I wonder..." perspective.
But, in a world where ugliness drives the headlines, we have to recognize that for every tragedy we are shown, there are many more triumphs. Sometimes, we just need to look longer and harder to find them.
Well, why questions tend to carry with them a certain amount of judgment. Often, it's subtle, but it's there. Even when our intentions are pure, asking a why question can put others on the defensive. If you try to eliminate why questions from your arsenal of phrases, you'll soon find that the responses you get are more thorough and less reactive.
That said, I stumbled across a why question today from someone who shares my view on why questions. The question was just a general "why?" with regard to the tragedy in Colorado.
Sometimes, all we really can do is wonder why... which is slightly different from asking a why question of someone else. Silently pondering why things are the way they are is important and helps shape the lens through which we view our worlds.
What happened in Colorado is a terrible, heartbreaking tragedy. There will never be an answer to the question "why?", at lest not one that is satisfactory or that makes sense. This, of course, makes "why?" not a great question, even just from an "I wonder..." perspective.
But, in a world where ugliness drives the headlines, we have to recognize that for every tragedy we are shown, there are many more triumphs. Sometimes, we just need to look longer and harder to find them.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
I Hear You.
One of the most basic human needs is the need to feel heard. However, it occurs to me that few people have the ability to truly listen empathically. There are times when making someone feel heard might just be the most important thing we can do for another human being, and I believe that many of us are falling down on the job. Perhaps even more concerning is that most people think they are good listeners; however, if we take the time to listen to the world around us, we can quickly learn that this simply isn't the case.
There are those who are unable to hear because, while someone is speaking, their very busy brains are already thinking about what they are going to say as soon as there's a pause. This means that, at some point, they stop listening to what else is being said; they are forming thoughts and sentences in their heads before the speaker is done. There are people who interrupt so frequently that those around them can't fully express themselves. These folks can't wait to get their thoughts out there, regardless of whether or not it relates to the conversation at hand or how it makes the speaker feel in the moment. There are also the one uppers and story tellers who, rather than processing what's been said, want to immediately throw in their own experience. Even when it relates to the conversation, this has the ability to minimize what was shared.
And so I ask you to just shut up and listen. Don't be afraid of silent spaces... sometimes more is said through silence than through words. Sometimes the silence encourages the people we care most about to share even more than they might otherwise have. Find a way to focus only on the words being spoken in the moment, rather than on the thoughts running rampant through your mind. Ask "is there more?" before responding. Know there is a time and a place for story telling, but that when someone truly needs to feel heard, the spotlight must be theirs alone.
There are those who are unable to hear because, while someone is speaking, their very busy brains are already thinking about what they are going to say as soon as there's a pause. This means that, at some point, they stop listening to what else is being said; they are forming thoughts and sentences in their heads before the speaker is done. There are people who interrupt so frequently that those around them can't fully express themselves. These folks can't wait to get their thoughts out there, regardless of whether or not it relates to the conversation at hand or how it makes the speaker feel in the moment. There are also the one uppers and story tellers who, rather than processing what's been said, want to immediately throw in their own experience. Even when it relates to the conversation, this has the ability to minimize what was shared.
And so I ask you to just shut up and listen. Don't be afraid of silent spaces... sometimes more is said through silence than through words. Sometimes the silence encourages the people we care most about to share even more than they might otherwise have. Find a way to focus only on the words being spoken in the moment, rather than on the thoughts running rampant through your mind. Ask "is there more?" before responding. Know there is a time and a place for story telling, but that when someone truly needs to feel heard, the spotlight must be theirs alone.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
And So It Goes.
Yesterday The Queen said some truly terrible things to me. Things that I would never say to my children, no matter what the circumstance. She accused me of things I've not done... and even if I had, they weren't particularly egregious errors (not responding to a particular email in a timely enough manner, for example). She told me who I am as a daughter, a mother, and a person, and where my motivations lie, none of which was positive, and I'd have to say that her assessment of me is so far from the truth that it only served to illuminate the fact that she has no clue about who I am at my core.
She then decided to say some decidedly horrible things about my father. It was a blame game. She doesn't want to own anything or imagine that she could be the root of any problems she has faced, and so projected her feelings about herself and her situation onto me and my father, who, incidentally, died 22 years ago.
I listened empathically, with growing concern, eventually asking, "what is this REALLY about?" which only made her more agitated. It did come out that my brother was diagnosed with something fairly unpleasant, and between that and the fact that he's not been kind to his body for much of his life, the picture is bleak. I understand that I was an easy target, but this came completely out of left field, was so hurtful and uncalled for, and her assessment so tragically inaccurate. I'm not angry with her... I simply told her that I was sad for her because it was clear to me she was under a lot of stress and that it was manifesting itself in a way that wasn't serving anyone. I reminded her that life is short and precious and there's no room to allow anger and fear to eat at our souls.
Her parting words to me were that it looks like I have a good life ahead of me and she wishes me well. I thanked her. As I hung up the phone I thought about karma and put out into the universe my wish for her to find some inner peace.
Shortly after my conversation with her, I saw a postcard that read:
I choose...
- to live by choice, not by chance
- to be motivated, not manipulated
- to be useful, not used
- to make changes, not excuses
- to excel, not compete
I choose self-esteem, not self pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinions of others.
And so it goes.
She then decided to say some decidedly horrible things about my father. It was a blame game. She doesn't want to own anything or imagine that she could be the root of any problems she has faced, and so projected her feelings about herself and her situation onto me and my father, who, incidentally, died 22 years ago.
I listened empathically, with growing concern, eventually asking, "what is this REALLY about?" which only made her more agitated. It did come out that my brother was diagnosed with something fairly unpleasant, and between that and the fact that he's not been kind to his body for much of his life, the picture is bleak. I understand that I was an easy target, but this came completely out of left field, was so hurtful and uncalled for, and her assessment so tragically inaccurate. I'm not angry with her... I simply told her that I was sad for her because it was clear to me she was under a lot of stress and that it was manifesting itself in a way that wasn't serving anyone. I reminded her that life is short and precious and there's no room to allow anger and fear to eat at our souls.
Her parting words to me were that it looks like I have a good life ahead of me and she wishes me well. I thanked her. As I hung up the phone I thought about karma and put out into the universe my wish for her to find some inner peace.
Shortly after my conversation with her, I saw a postcard that read:
I choose...
- to live by choice, not by chance
- to be motivated, not manipulated
- to be useful, not used
- to make changes, not excuses
- to excel, not compete
I choose self-esteem, not self pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinions of others.
And so it goes.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Happy Mothers' Day To Me
Dear Exhibits A, B and C,
This Mothers' Day, I wanted to take a moment to tell you how lucky I feel to be your mother.
You are the most important people in my world, and being there for each of you, providing you with everything you need, is the best job I can ever imagine. Saying "I'm the Exhibits' Mom" brings me more happiness and pride than any other title ever could.
Being your mother has taught me about unconditional love. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about how to be the best mom I can be. You three are my first thought upon waking and my last thought when I close my eyes at night. I hope you know that you are my shining stars, understand how very much you are loved, and realize that I will always be here for you to listen, to help, to admire the amazing people that you are. There is nothing you can't talk to me about, no problem too big, no happiness too small to share.
Exhibit A: you were my very first wish come true, and ever since the day you were born, you have helped me define who I am at my core. You have taught me about passion and commitment. I remember the very first time you put on a pair of ballet shoes at three years old... how when you would kick your foot into the air your shoe would fly across the floor. I never imagined that all these years later, you would still love dance just as much as you did that day. I smile to myself when I watch you cross a room, never just walking, but, rather, leaping, pirouetting, floating. Seeing your dedication to dance, despite the injuries and obstacles you've recently faced, has reminded me that when we commit to something, we follow through. I hope that you have learned this by example, but somehow, even if it weren't for me constantly harping on its importance, I think it's just part of who you are, and it's a part of you I greatly admire. Today and every day, I celebrate your light, your love, and your laughter.
Exhibit B: I will never forget finding out I was expecting and deciding to make the news a Christmas surprise for your father. I was bursting with excitement but trying to keep my cool... no easy task. While I miss the hugs and kisses you used to dole out freely as a little boy, being able to talk with the more grown up you and hear your amazing thoughts, ideas and stories makes my heart sing. One of my favorite things about you is that you never, ever leave the house or hang up the phone without telling me you love me, even if we've only talked for a short time, and even if we were together just moments before. You have no idea how many smiles that brings my way. I love that you already understand the importance of telling the people you care about how you feel at every opportunity. Today, and always, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to celebrate your intelligence, your steady determination, your quiet strength and your sense of humor.
Exhibit C: From the moment I first saw you with those big, beautiful eyes and long eyelashes looking back at me, I knew you were special. Seeing you in the NICU was incredibly hard, but watching you fight your way back to good health then and through your first few years made me realize from moment one just how strong you are. You make me smile and laugh each day with your stories, your jokes and your sweet snuggles. You are so smart and always come up with new and interesting things to share with me. One of my greatest pleasures is hearing you problem solve and understanding exactly how that amazing little mind works. Your unadulterated excitement about anything and everything, no matter how big or small, reminds me daily that in little things, there is happiness. Your love of learning and enthusiasm for life inspire me today and every day.
There would be no Mothers' Day for me without you three... and I thank you for trusting me and loving me and reminding me of what's truly important in life.
Thank you for you.
~ Mom
This Mothers' Day, I wanted to take a moment to tell you how lucky I feel to be your mother.
You are the most important people in my world, and being there for each of you, providing you with everything you need, is the best job I can ever imagine. Saying "I'm the Exhibits' Mom" brings me more happiness and pride than any other title ever could.
Being your mother has taught me about unconditional love. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about how to be the best mom I can be. You three are my first thought upon waking and my last thought when I close my eyes at night. I hope you know that you are my shining stars, understand how very much you are loved, and realize that I will always be here for you to listen, to help, to admire the amazing people that you are. There is nothing you can't talk to me about, no problem too big, no happiness too small to share.
Exhibit A: you were my very first wish come true, and ever since the day you were born, you have helped me define who I am at my core. You have taught me about passion and commitment. I remember the very first time you put on a pair of ballet shoes at three years old... how when you would kick your foot into the air your shoe would fly across the floor. I never imagined that all these years later, you would still love dance just as much as you did that day. I smile to myself when I watch you cross a room, never just walking, but, rather, leaping, pirouetting, floating. Seeing your dedication to dance, despite the injuries and obstacles you've recently faced, has reminded me that when we commit to something, we follow through. I hope that you have learned this by example, but somehow, even if it weren't for me constantly harping on its importance, I think it's just part of who you are, and it's a part of you I greatly admire. Today and every day, I celebrate your light, your love, and your laughter.
Exhibit B: I will never forget finding out I was expecting and deciding to make the news a Christmas surprise for your father. I was bursting with excitement but trying to keep my cool... no easy task. While I miss the hugs and kisses you used to dole out freely as a little boy, being able to talk with the more grown up you and hear your amazing thoughts, ideas and stories makes my heart sing. One of my favorite things about you is that you never, ever leave the house or hang up the phone without telling me you love me, even if we've only talked for a short time, and even if we were together just moments before. You have no idea how many smiles that brings my way. I love that you already understand the importance of telling the people you care about how you feel at every opportunity. Today, and always, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to celebrate your intelligence, your steady determination, your quiet strength and your sense of humor.
Exhibit C: From the moment I first saw you with those big, beautiful eyes and long eyelashes looking back at me, I knew you were special. Seeing you in the NICU was incredibly hard, but watching you fight your way back to good health then and through your first few years made me realize from moment one just how strong you are. You make me smile and laugh each day with your stories, your jokes and your sweet snuggles. You are so smart and always come up with new and interesting things to share with me. One of my greatest pleasures is hearing you problem solve and understanding exactly how that amazing little mind works. Your unadulterated excitement about anything and everything, no matter how big or small, reminds me daily that in little things, there is happiness. Your love of learning and enthusiasm for life inspire me today and every day.
There would be no Mothers' Day for me without you three... and I thank you for trusting me and loving me and reminding me of what's truly important in life.
Thank you for you.
~ Mom
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Sunflowers
I'm a sucker for sunflowers, it's true. A single sunflower, whether in a vase or along the side of a road, never fails to bring a smile to my face.
A long time ago, back when I was too young to understand and appreciate the Queen's infinite wisdom, she sat me down to discuss my desire to live happily ever after with a boy she didn't deem worthy. She told me that if I thought he was "the one" I should know that while there would always be food on my table, there would never be flowers in my vase. At the time, I brushed it off and, more than likely, rolled my eyes.
Years later, I now understand the importance of balance in a relationship. Without a few sunflowers along the way, it's tough to truly enjoy the daily commute.
A long time ago, back when I was too young to understand and appreciate the Queen's infinite wisdom, she sat me down to discuss my desire to live happily ever after with a boy she didn't deem worthy. She told me that if I thought he was "the one" I should know that while there would always be food on my table, there would never be flowers in my vase. At the time, I brushed it off and, more than likely, rolled my eyes.
Years later, I now understand the importance of balance in a relationship. Without a few sunflowers along the way, it's tough to truly enjoy the daily commute.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Finding Happiness
I recently themed a yoga class around the idea of letting go... letting go of the past, of control, of obstacles we place in our own paths.
One of the quotes I chose for this class was "By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond winning." ~ Lao Tzu
That Lao Tzu sure was a smarty pants... if you've got some time on your hands, google some Lao quotes and you'll see what I mean.
I happened upon this particular quote nestled inside an interesting article that described things of which we need to let go in order to find happiness. It was rather serendipitous for me to stumble across this article on a day in which I was also trying to wrap my pea sized brain around the idea that someone I know finds it incredibly difficult to offer a simple, yet sincere, apology when something goes not quite the way it probably should. I have often wondered, when people have a hard time with the words "I'm sorry", if it is a reflection of their own unhappiness... I suspect that it shows a need to be right and a need to feel superior, which I'm certain are red flags of an unhappy soul. And so the article got me thinking...
The gist of the article is that in order to be happy, we must be able to let go of the need to always be right, the need for control, and the need to lay blame on others. Instead, we should focus on taking responsibility, engaging in positive discourse, and living in the moment, allowing people and situations to just be, for as it turns out, noticing, without reacting to or trying to control people and situations, allows us to clearly see some of life's greatest truths.
We also need to hush our self-defeating talk, we need to open our minds to limitless possibilities of who we can be, what we can do, and let go of the need to label that which we do not truly understand. We must stop complaining and criticizing as well as let go of the desire to impress other people. Instead, to find happiness, we should devote our energy to practicing kindness, not only to others, but also to ourselves. We are often our own worst enemies. The power of positive thinking can not be overstated. When we are true to our authentic selves in every situation, even though that sometimes makes us feel vulnerable, people are naturally drawn to us.
Finally, we must accept that change may be hard, but it is good. So often we dig our heels in, we resist; but without change, we are not able move forward. In order to grow as human beings we must also give up on fears and excuses, as these are things we create in our minds, they don't really exist unless we give them life, and we must learn to practice non-attachment, which ultimately allows us to become more peaceful, more tolerant, more happy, and empowers us to follow the path that is uniquely ours.
One of the quotes I chose for this class was "By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond winning." ~ Lao Tzu
That Lao Tzu sure was a smarty pants... if you've got some time on your hands, google some Lao quotes and you'll see what I mean.
I happened upon this particular quote nestled inside an interesting article that described things of which we need to let go in order to find happiness. It was rather serendipitous for me to stumble across this article on a day in which I was also trying to wrap my pea sized brain around the idea that someone I know finds it incredibly difficult to offer a simple, yet sincere, apology when something goes not quite the way it probably should. I have often wondered, when people have a hard time with the words "I'm sorry", if it is a reflection of their own unhappiness... I suspect that it shows a need to be right and a need to feel superior, which I'm certain are red flags of an unhappy soul. And so the article got me thinking...
The gist of the article is that in order to be happy, we must be able to let go of the need to always be right, the need for control, and the need to lay blame on others. Instead, we should focus on taking responsibility, engaging in positive discourse, and living in the moment, allowing people and situations to just be, for as it turns out, noticing, without reacting to or trying to control people and situations, allows us to clearly see some of life's greatest truths.
We also need to hush our self-defeating talk, we need to open our minds to limitless possibilities of who we can be, what we can do, and let go of the need to label that which we do not truly understand. We must stop complaining and criticizing as well as let go of the desire to impress other people. Instead, to find happiness, we should devote our energy to practicing kindness, not only to others, but also to ourselves. We are often our own worst enemies. The power of positive thinking can not be overstated. When we are true to our authentic selves in every situation, even though that sometimes makes us feel vulnerable, people are naturally drawn to us.
Finally, we must accept that change may be hard, but it is good. So often we dig our heels in, we resist; but without change, we are not able move forward. In order to grow as human beings we must also give up on fears and excuses, as these are things we create in our minds, they don't really exist unless we give them life, and we must learn to practice non-attachment, which ultimately allows us to become more peaceful, more tolerant, more happy, and empowers us to follow the path that is uniquely ours.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Stuck In My Head
Once upon a time, I said to someone "I am so, so ill, and I'm tired of sucking it up when you're around, of slapping a smile on my face and pretending to feel well when really, I'm very sick, and all I want is to curl up in a ball."
The response was, simply: "Thank you so much for doing that, I really appreciate it!"
I hate to admit it, but it's stuck in my head. I can't move beyond the selfishness that lies behind that statement. As if it was perfectly fine for me to be someone or something I'm not, as long as it kept someone else happy. This is a good reminder of why, these days, I enjoy spending time alone in my kingdom :).
Though most might describe me as complex, the truth is, I'm not. I simply expect people to behave in ways that build up those around them, not tear them down, and to encourage others to be their authentic selves. I'll never be willing to compromise on these standards. Are the expectations too high? Perhaps for some people, they are, but for me, they are not, and I've learned through the years that there are plenty of people who will disappoint... but the ones that don't are true gems and should be held as closely as possible.
The response was, simply: "Thank you so much for doing that, I really appreciate it!"
I hate to admit it, but it's stuck in my head. I can't move beyond the selfishness that lies behind that statement. As if it was perfectly fine for me to be someone or something I'm not, as long as it kept someone else happy. This is a good reminder of why, these days, I enjoy spending time alone in my kingdom :).
Though most might describe me as complex, the truth is, I'm not. I simply expect people to behave in ways that build up those around them, not tear them down, and to encourage others to be their authentic selves. I'll never be willing to compromise on these standards. Are the expectations too high? Perhaps for some people, they are, but for me, they are not, and I've learned through the years that there are plenty of people who will disappoint... but the ones that don't are true gems and should be held as closely as possible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)