The Queen's Drama

So I just arrived home from the ER. The Queen is still there. Lord help them all.

At 5:00 p.m. after close to 12 hours of feeling rotten, I started encouraging her to go to Urgent Care because it was clear she had become pretty ill. She wouldn't hear of it. At 7 I started getting more insistent but she fell asleep. At 8 I tried to get her to drink Gatorade and mentioned the Urgent Care idea again. Not interested. At 9:08 she decided she wanted to go. Well, that's just peachy 'cause it closes at 9. Sooooo... I tell her I'm taking her to the ER. Great. Too bad she can't stand up without fainting and, despite the fact that I've been getting my lift on a lot, I certainly can't carry her up the stairs. This means she must go to the hospital via ambulance.

The paramedics can't get the stretcher up the basement stairs... I already knew this from a prior unfortunate experience in a friend's basement... so they offer to carry her (she didn't want to sit in a chair for transport which was the suggested mode). Her response? "I'll crawl." Now, the funny thing is, the paremedics thought she was joking. The laugh was on them because she crawled up the effing stairs. It took a little longer than expected since she had to stop and dry heave several times along the way while the paramedics continued asking her if they could please carry her. Silly, silly boys.

Once at the hospital she complained the the bed was uncomfortable, she hated ERs, she'd rather be left for dead on a curb than be there and then she refused most of the tests the doctor ordered. The doctor started trying to bargain with her... "OK, no CT but will you let me do an an X-Ray?". Are you kidding me? I just can't see my own doctor negotiating with me. He'd have given me a "Drink the freakin' contrast and STFU" look. In typical fashion, when the doctor asked if she'd had a fever, her response was "I don't know, she doesn't have a thermometer" with a head tilt towards me (*sigh* yet another egregious error in domestic divadom... I do, in fact, have a thermometer but she doesn't like my thermometer and refused to use it).

They were waiting on lab results when I left at 2. The bloodwork and X-Rays were normal but after two abnormal EKGs they thought she needed to be admitted as there was some suspicion that this might be a precursor to a heart attack. She informed them that she was fine because all of her EKGs at her physicals are always normal. Right. That logic makes perfect sense. Anywho, she decided against being admitted but told the doctor "I'm very impressed by your credentials even though I disagree with your conservative approach". She followed that up with something about how the doctor was wasting her (as in the Queen's) time. It's her version of a compliment sandwich, only it's a wee bit backwards.

Needless to say, the Queen's husband is going to be in the doghouse for the next 12-18 months because he actually left my house and went out at 7 knowing she wasn't well (and after he himself tried to convince her to go to urgent care). He showed up at the hospital around 12:15 a.m. That should be a fun conversation for him.

They got back here at 4:00 and were chatty. Ummmm... can we table the chit chat until, say, noon? Not much sleep was had by any of us.

So she'll be fine. Not sure exactly what was up... likely some sort of nasty bacterial infection... but the meds, fluids and rest did her a world of good and she's back to her old, albeit feisty, self today. Phew.