The Birthday Party Report...

Pre-Party Routine:
- Party started at 2:00 so at about 1:45 I decided to get ready. No rush, apparently.
- I thought it would be good to wrap the present at that point.
- I took my hair out of the ponytail to try to confuse them since they've only seen me with pigtails and a bandana and lots of sweat. I even put on lip gloss as an extra precautionary measure.

Event Warm-Up:
- I parked as close as possible to the site so if I needed to escape quickly I could.
- I shot gunned a Diet Coke so I'd have some extra energy going into it.

First Leg:
Children were directed into large playroom. Every action figure ever created, every children's movie ever produced plus 10,000 other toys were in there. The Party Director (PD) had done an outstanding job of alphabetizing by movie title and sorting the toys and placing them in bins with labels on them. The best was the empty bin labeled bugs and snakes. I am hopeful they were plastic. Within two minutes of the guests' arrival, every toy in the room was on the floor. Most excellent. I am sure the PD is sorting as I type and I sure hope she had a cocktail before she walked in that room because I'm just as compulsive and that would send me right over the edge.

T1:
The PD called all the children into the living room because she wanted to read them a story. This was not a particularly smooth transition as many children wanted to continue creating utter chaos in the playroom, but we finally got them all there. Kinda like herding cats.

Second Leg:
The PD proceeded to read the story. A story she wrote. It was a blueprint for the party outlining everything they would be doing. It rhymed. Of course it did. Frankly, I can't really say anything about that because I've been known to write rhyming books for friends but they are generally full of sarcasm and ridicule and we read them aloud while we're drinking, but I digress.

I knew right away that the party plan needed to be successfully executed in order to complete the requied activities, cross the threshold and be back in my car by the cut off time. So we began to make crafts. Lots and lots of crafts. Every time one craft was finished, the PD brought printed name labels to stick on the back of it, and she had made a cloth bag for each child with his/her name painted on it. Security was tight. Obviously there was no way anyone was leaving with anyone else's craft.

T2:
Pinata. All I can say is thank goodness the PD had the wherewithal to use the kind with strings because the idea of 3 year olds swinging sticks/golf clubs/baseball bats/etc. scares the living daylights out of me. Not that I have any experience with this, mind you... yeah, OK, maybe Exhibit C's got a good arm. I can't help that he's clearly a gifted athlete.

Exhibit C got the most pinata stuff because he had the patience to sit with his bag and pick up the toys the longest. He filled up his little bag and then, obviously, the PD gave him a sticker with his name on it. Good thing because Lord knows when I throw away all that crap I wanna make sure it's his.

Third Leg:
Cake. Nothing says fun like lots and lots of frosting and a bunch of preschoolers. This was perhaps the most challenging part of the day because trying to avoid having my jeans or tank top smeared with blue and white frosting required much focus and a reliance on my cat like reflexes. I came through it unscathed.

Warm Down:
I had to catch Exhibit C at the cake finish and provide the following:
- Wet paper towels
- Balloon around the wrist
- Goody Bag ('cause apparently the crafts and pinata stuff weren't enough?! Holy Moses!)

What Limited Me?
Well, uhhh, I guess between the book and the crafts and the labels I started thinking there's a remote possibility I might not win mother of the year. Again. Damn. Last year it was that whole thing with Exhibit A calling tilapia tequila and now this...

Event Comments:
The PD put on an impressive show. At no point did I feel the need to take a craft stick to my eye. This is high praise from me.